


Dead-Bird

by Slinky_Writes



Series: Vents [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Anxious Habits, Arm Scratching, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Dean Winchester In Love, Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentioned Castiel - Freeform, Mentioned Jack Kline, Mentioned Sam Winchester, Mentioned Samuel Campbell, Minor Violence, OR IS IT, Other, POV Dean Winchester, Prayer, Scratching, Song: Dead-Bird (McCafferty), This is a vent, Unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester, Unrequited Love, no happy ending, vent - Freeform, warnings in summary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slinky_Writes/pseuds/Slinky_Writes
Summary: "Breathe in, breathe out, everybody scream 'Fuck!'I know I've gone too far this time" - Dead-Bird (McCafferty)-PLEASE READ!This is a vent piece. Please be kind with this, as it is a vent. Please understand that. There is also a mention to an anxious habit (arm scratching), so please be considerate of that before reading. Please enjoy my work!
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Vents [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885969
Comments: 9
Kudos: 17





	Dead-Bird

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading, please make sure you've read the tags and summary! Proceed with caution. Enjoy! Also, this was way shorter than I was expecting, but here we are.

‘Breathe in, breathe out,’ Dean Winchester repeated to himself. No matter how many times, he couldn’t do it. “FUCK!” he shouted, his voice echoing back to him in his bedroom. He shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have done it.

Maybe he shouldn’t have screamed at Cas, telling him to pack up his shit and leave. Now, the bunker was empty, save a single black feather left behind by his beloved. Samuel had always told him that death wasn’t scary. It was just an old friend coming back to pick up something. But if death took Cas away from him, he wouldn’t feel the same. He would never feel the same.

His grandfather couldn’t be more wrong.

Dean’s eyes swept over his room. On his desk was a book on angels, the pages crudely ripped out and wadded up to be thrown into a trash can. Upon seeing it, his fingernails began clawing at his skin. He needed to get out. He needed to leave. This body wasn’t for him. He was just a hazard; an unsafe being set out to harm everyone in the world.

His spine; his backbone; his angel. He was gone. The man he loved more than anything. He was gone before the Winchester could even confess his feelings for him. But no, he just had to scream at him. All those thoughts running through his head.

But he was mad because he was in love with the seraph. He broke his heart before he could break any bones. How fucked up was it to do that?

He couldn’t stop thinking as he drove in Baby. He needed that air. He needed that release. He noticed a young girl playing on the swing set, not a care in the world. He would do anything to join her, in complete ignorance of everything. But, alas, much like her mother, who limply sat next to her, he knew that she wouldn’t end up being successful. They were poor, and he could tell. And he couldn’t help them.

No matter how many people he saved, he couldn’t help that poor girl. He couldn’t help his brother. He couldn’t help Jack. He couldn’t help anyone.

Especially not Castiel.

Castiel, the Seraph who would sacrifice anything for the Winchesters. Castiel, who was so strong. Castiel, who had nothing wrong with him. All this angel wanted was to help, and Dean took that away from him.

Even if he didn’t, Dean felt so… separated from the team. There was Sam; intelligent, loving, kind, considerate. Then there was Jack; innocent, childish, soft, naive. And lastly, there was Castiel; handsome, determined, stoic, brave. But then there was Dean, the black sheep; abrasive, cowardly, critical, useless. The team would be perfect without him, and that was exactly what Dean would give them. He would leave them. He would move to some other part of the world, far, far away from his friends. His heart melted onto his stomach after breaking into a million pieces.

His actions were always terrible.

He could vividly remember the seraph’s face as he screamed at him. The way his apathetic mask crumbled before him, his eyes beginning to well up in tears. Angels didn’t cry often. Cas’ angel blade began to slip from the owner’s grip and clattered to the ground with no hesitation. Dean had watched this majestic creature break down, and it was all his fault. But he had to keep a straight face. He had to pretend that Cas’ reaction didn’t phase him at all, to pretend that he was just angry. Not that he was in love with him or that he couldn’t grip on to his facade of not caring about his team as much as he truly did. Because they were his family. He loved them more than he ever could imagine, and they were gone because of him. He abandoned them. He let them down. Sam was, obviously, his brother. Jack was like a son. And Cas was his lover. But if he just told him how he truly felt, that statement would be true. He could kiss the angel and hold his hand and have him… but that dream could never come true, could it? He ruined it.

But then there was the possibility that Cas would decline. That Cas would tell him that it was disgusting for Dean to feel this way about his best friend. In this life, love just wasn’t possible. Love could never be an option.

He wanted to rip out his heart and tear it to shreds, relishing the feeling of being free from the eternal cycle of pining he got himself into. He wouldn’t get to be happy if he kept this up. 

Baby came to a halt in a clear valley. Dean opened the door and exited, slamming her doors with an audible smack. The eldest Winchester ran as far as he could, feet pounding against the grass until he collapsed. And there, he finally felt safe. At home. A broken sob escaped his lips, tears becoming a stream flowing down his cheeks and flooding his eyes like the ones displayed on a weather channel. He was alone. He’d be like this forever, and that was that.

He could imagine Cas coming from wherever he could’ve been, telling him how terrible he was. How disgusting he was. How there was no way he would ever be worthy of the angel’s love. Then again, that terrible thought would be more pleasant than nothing. He needed to see that gorgeous face once more. It didn’t matter if he got killed or yelled at. He needed to see Castiel. He needed to hear that rasped voice of his, wings flapping as he arrived, but the hunter not being able to see them. He needed the angel more than anything else. More than himself. More than the broken mess that was Dean Winchester and his loud mouth. Meeting this creature was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

And with that in mind, Dean Winchester, who didn’t consider himself religious in any way, began to pray.

**Author's Note:**

> If this gets enough comments asking for one, I'll make a part two. Lmao I'm not even a Dean kinnie but I projected onto him. Eh, this song just reminded me of him. Most McCafferty songs do.


End file.
